CHILDRENS RHYMES (AND VARIATIONS)

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down and broke his crown,

And Jill came tumbling after

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a Pail of water

Silly Jill, forgot her pill

and now they have a daughter!

Jack and Jill went up the hill

and planned to do some kissing

jack made a pass, grabbed her ass

and now his front teeth are missing.

Mary had a little lamb,

its fleece as white as snow

and everywhere that mary went

the lamb was sure to go

Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon

Mary Mary Quite contrary,

how does your garden grow?

With silver bells, and cockle shells,
And pretty maids all in a row

Mary Mary
Quite contrary
How does your garden grow
I live in a flat
You stupid twat
So how the fuck should I know

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore,
Humpty Dumpty fucked her some more,
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Bent the bitch over and fucked her again.

RHYMES TAKEN FROM CHILDRENS TV SHOWS

I love Po
Po loves me
Tinky Winky shot Dipsy
With a great big gun
He shot him in the head
Gutted La La Dipsey's dead

I love you
You love me
Barney gave me H.I.V.
So I got a gun
And shot him in the head
Now that purple barstards dead

I love you
You love me
Barney took some ecstacey
Now hes lying on the floor
No more purple dinosaur